Monday, February 16, 2009

Toyota Drivers, Menace to Society



Ever wonder why the lane you are in is moving 10 mph slower than every other lane? Chances are you are following a Corolla. Even wonder why the parking lot at Whole Foods is always backed up? Chances are a Prius driver is having trouble parking. Ever wonder why you are not turning left despite the green left turn signal? Chances are a Camry driver at the front of the line is not paying attention. Ever notice that almost every Camry and Highlander you see on the street has a dent in the bumper? In the 20+ years of driving, I have observed many Toyota drivers and I have come to the conclusion that there is a greater force at work. Like Darwin, who saw evidence of evolution in Galapagos island lizards and booby, I too have come up with a theory that explains it all.



First, the question: Why is it that Toyota drivers are especially inept and timid? And what makes Toyota so special that these bad drivers are drawn to its car like moth into open flames? My theory is that Toyota (and Lexus) drivers are humor-less drones who, following Darwin's theory, have self-selected into driving the very soul-sucking cars that defines their personality. This in term shapes how Toyota makes its car into ever more numb, isolated, ill-handling pods. Which of course makes its cars even more attractive to the bad drivers of the world all over. It's a self-fulfilling cycle - Toyota makes cars only bad drivers appreciate; only bad drivers buy Toyota as a result; Toyota makes the next one even worse to satisfy its main customers.



The basic truth is that there are two kinds of drivers in the world, those who like it and those who don't. I'm not talking about speed fiends or people who like to take their car to the race track (although, you'd never find a Camry at a track day event). I'm taking about just the simple pleasure of driving. The feel of connectedness of steering wheel and gear shift to the tires and motion of the car, the satisfied feeling one gets from piloting a complex machine. If you ask Toyota (and Lexus) owners about this, they would have a blank look on their face. These people simply do not understand driving. They are bad drivers. The kind that takes 20 seconds to make a right turn when there are no cross traffic. The kind that sees a sign for 65 mph and thinks a prudent speed should be 50 mph. The kind that thinks turn signals are optional and the best way to merge on to a freeway is to ride on the brakes and force other cars to slow down to their speed. Toyota drivers on a whole are the kind that prefers soft crushy ride and no steering feedback. In another word, they prefer cars that don't tell them they are doing a bad job of driving.



Now, I fully concede that my theory is not foolproof. Toyota sells a lot of cars and not everyone who buys Toyotas are bad drivers per se. But my observation is largely true... Think of it as a Venn diagram:


If you are driving a Toyota, chances are you are a bad driver. Your subconscious and biological evolution in inept driving skills has lead you down a path towards a vehicle that least offends your sensibility. You are driving a Corolla. Congratulation. Now watch out for that couch on the side of the street... it may jump out at you any time. Slow down... way down... and annoy the rest of us with adequate motor skills and hand-eye coordination that are stuck behind you.

34 comments:

Anonymous said...

My god, this is the most correct thing ever written. I agree almost 100 percent. The only missing item is that you didn't specifically call out the 4th and 5th most annoying vehicles, Rav4 and Sienna. You hit the top 3 (Corolla, Prius, Camry) right out of the park!

brokemoto said...

I would move the 'Bad Drivers' circle a bit to the right so that it is not completely within the Toyota circle. Remember, in addition to the bad drivers who drive Toyotas, we also have:

Audi drivers-An Audi is a Volkswagen with a Mercedes-
Benz price tag. How intelligent can someone be, who would pay for a Mercedes-Benz and accept a Volkswagen?

BMW drivers- Yup, there is more than one reason that 'BMW' stands for 'Break My Windows'.

Volvo drivers- 'Volvo' is Swedish for 'Clueless'.

SAAB drivers- SAAB stands for 'Stupid Arrogant Asinine Buttwipe' or 'Something An Ass Bought'.

Mercedes-Benz drivers- "I'm driving a tin box for which I paid a heap of money, so you have to look out for me. Why should I look where I'm going? You look out where I'm going"

Volkswagen drivers- What is a Volkswagen, these days, but an Overpriced Tin box? It AIN'T the beetle of yesterday, for which I still have a grudging respect.

And while on the subject of Lexus drivers, what is a Lexus, but a Toyota with a Cadillac price tag? Do you really expect that much from someone who would pay for a Cadillac and accept a Toyota?

JackalopeX3 said...

Anonymous pretty much said it all! Soooo true!...don't forget JEEP drivers!
BM, lighten up on Bemmers! While I own 2, I'll be the first to admit...95% of all BMW owners buy the car to impress their friends and neighbors. Most have way more money than brains. They can't drive worth a rat's a$$. What a waste of one of the best handling cars on the road!

Hubert said...

I'm a Toyota driver and pay 100% attention on the road. In fact I honk those stupid Mercedes Benz drivers who are busy looking in the rear view mirror at the red lights when the lights turn green and they refuse to move.

I guess my horn will never be broken because of disuse :p

Anonymous said...

This is so completely true! Another example of a Toyota driver's stupidity: I had entered a roundabout and had almost gotten to my exit when a Camry driver, who had already exited the roundabout before I entered proceeded to reverse back INTO the roundabout and smashed into the back of my car. They could have easily gone down the empty road they had exited onto, turned around and rejoined the roundabout from an entry like any person of sound mind would do, but nooooooo... they reversed INTO a roundabout!!

I hated Camrys before this, so when I realized that I'd been hit by a Camry I actually said 'No fricken way!!' And about 90% of the time when traffic is being held up by some idiot doing grossly under the speed limit, it's always either a Carolla or a Camry.

Although, the new model Carollas aren't too bad. I'm rarely ever stuck behind one going under the speed limit.

Anonymous said...

Your lack of statistics, random circumstantial evidence and haphazard inference is amusing at best and highly inaccurate.

Someone less intelligent that you used this as a proof.

Anonymous said...

What a great post!

Have to totally agree with this.

I have my own photo collection of bonehead toyota dings and scrapes.
would love to post em.

This has been a peeve of mine for quite sometime now.

Oddly, toyotas tend to have the worst condition rear bumpers of the lot.
Either from thier drivers not knowing how the hell to back up a car, never mind driving it forward, and also from poor unsuspecting drivers who slam into clueless petrified, always on the brake stop in the middle of the road on a Green light toyota drivers.

I swear, toyota demographic marketers have mastered their profession in tailoring a vehicle to a certain class of idiot.

Now if only we could apply such skill to better areas!

Anonymous said...

An issue of concern in the media these days, regarding the accelerator pedal / floor mat safety / recall.

A serious matter...

What I am finding absolutely ridiculous in all of this coverage, yet somewhat typical of the abilities of these yoyota drivers is this.

Is it possible people could be so dumb? that it does not even register in their brains, that when your gas pedal on your vehicle sticks to the floor, to turn the ignition key to the off position, or even better place the vehicle in neutral.

Two fundamental safety features included in EVERY modern vehicle.

What I find even more bizarre from these latest public safety concerns, is ability of some of these in a panic yoyota drivers, (behind the wheel of a 2-3000lb vehicle), to find the time to dial 911 for assistance while their car is speeding out of control.

The stupidity continues...

Anonymous said...

http://www.greencarreports.com/blog/1043566_the-punching-bag-hits-back-prius-crash-was-driver-error-toyota-says

Anonymous said...

very good points...

http://www.kellensimpson.com/the-effing-news/toyota-drivers-are-fucking-stupid

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Anonymous said...

In a nutshell, Toyota drivers are stupid. You have to be an idiot to buy one, so why would you drive any differently? These are the people who don't understand the concept of the "passing lane". Apparently this is their own private lane. These are the very people who flip you the bird when you pass them on the right, or heaven forbid if they ever move over and let you pass on the left you get the bird then as well. It never occurs to these people that they themselves are in the wrong, blocking traffic or merging at unsafe (way to effing slow) speeds. With their cranio-rectal-inversion freshly diagnosed, they walk into the nearest dealership and demand to buy the only car on the market that will help them keep their heads lodged firmly up their arse.

Anonymous said...

For all my Fellow Toyota haters. In case you haven't seen it yet...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZ4PtafRB9c&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

Anonymous said...

Toyota drivers make me gonzo more so than any other car/driver ALL THE TIME. while driving today, four Toyotas created awkward moments for me and other drivers around me to and from work 60mi total. Cut offs, too slow in passing lane, the typical..otherwise only one ford truck got dickey.
I've realized and ranted on a couple occasions and people laugh because they know too. Toyota drivers are the worse. I'm not making this stuff up.
Great pictures and graph!!!!! :)

Anonymous said...

Finally I have seen someone who has observed what has irritated me for years unending. First I thought Toyota put controls in their cars to make them annoyingly slow and make the drivers flat out stupid. But voila! here it is finally. These dumb menaces are attracted to toyotas like insects to a light bulb outside. Soul sucking vehicles. I couldn't agree more. Also Toyota drivers can be very ignorant and unpredictable. They could stop for you to cross as a pedestrian and run you down as you are crossing. I have tivoed on my dvr several exhibitions of Toyota drivers ignorance. Now I would have to consider the notion that Toyota never had any accelerator sticking to the floor problem as stated in the media. It is the morons behind the wheel that were much likely the culprits! Excellent post I love this!

Anonymous said...

and to add to my previous post above. I have become really concerned about the menace of toyota drivers I encounter on my daily commute and decided to google toyota drivers menace stupid and here it revealed this blog. This is very real people! Always watch out for the zombies driving corollas and camrys!!

Anonymous said...

Hello!
I've been in the automotive industry and doing a special study on Toyota drivers has always been on my wish list (but of course there's no budget for that). Your post absolutely resonates with my theory of many years about Toyota/Lexus drivers (particularly Corolla, Prius, Camry, ES and RX). So happy to know that I wasn't the only person thinking this!

Anonymous said...

Im happy to see i'm not the only one that realize toyota driver are dangerous. Everything in that post was so true. The day i'll get an accident it will be cause by a toyota driver

Anonymous said...

@brokemoto You're not breaking any ground here. You're simply stating that Audi is the luxury branch of Volkswagen and Lexus is to Toyota. Obviously they cost more because you get more. I could see why someone would want a luxury car.

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much! Finally I feel like I'm not alone, my family makes fun of me and calls me crazy every time I say Toyota drivers can't drive. Now I know this might be something real.

Craig Kulig said...

You are quite humorous in your attempts to claim one specific company holds the greatest portion of bad drivers. Especially Toyota? Of all companies. I am assuming that you are in north america, and while yes you are correct that there are those who care and those who do not about driving, the ones who do not tend to also not care about what they drive. In which case, these people are ignorant to the vehicle market and would more immediately buy something domestic in nature, a GM Chrysler or Ford, and since these companies all advertise more than toyota, your theories are incorrect. You would not find a camry on a racetrack, but you could and would find a corolla, celica, supra, tercel, etc. You dont apear to have mentioned personal driving experience with these vehicles which again renders you an ignoramus. Toyota, like other companies, has vehicles at at those who want something nice and comfortable to get them from point A to B, such as a camry, a highlander, and several vehicles in the Lexus brand are purposely designed for the person who favours comfort over a proper driver of a vehicle. Vehicles like 4runner, FJ cruiser, Tundra, Sequoia, Tacoma, tercel, yaris, echo, corolla, celica, supra, and everything from the Scion label are all and were all produced with their drivers in mind, and have excellent feedback through steering, pedals and gear shifts, as well as excelent handling characteristics. I go out sometimes just to test drive different vehicles, when im bored, and Toyota's are from from what you insinuate as the numb vehicle brand. I own a 4runner, and it has more feel than any domestic car on the market. I can tell exactly what is happening and feel everything through the steering and clutch and stick. Also, old people are generally racist and scared of change, so they mostly drive domestic brands, which again side swipes your theory which is backed up by no facts.

Craig Kulig said...

All you talking about Audi = volkswagen with mercedez price tag, and lexus = toyota with cadillac price tag. So, for one, brands like Audi and Lexus while under the same family tree as their counter parts and share same platforms and frames as their counterpart vehicles, these vehicles are subject to exceptional engineering and design, the technology and development put into these vehicles makes them worth every penny. It really is suprising how the author of the initial post has gathered so much ignorance towards the vehicle market. You might as well say, a lamborghini is a volkswagen with a ferrari price tag, simply because it is in the Volkswagen corporation. Besides the fact that Volkswagen also claims some of the worlds top engineers, Bently, and how about Bugatti? The worlds most amazing super car. You are all fools.
To the one who commented on Saab drivers, its statistically proven that Saab drivers are the most intelligent drivers on the road.
A correct statement for Cadillac would be, its a Chevy with chromed plastic and rediculous price tag.
Statistics also show that GM and Jeep drivers are among the dumbest on the road.

Anonymous said...

Irwin, you sir are a genius.

Anonymous said...

This is 100% true. For the last 15 years driving the same commute and I can truly say, no other brand of car has pissed me off more than the idiots who drive Toyotas. I won't say ALL Toyota drivers are idiots, but I would say 90% of them do not know what the hell they are doing. Not only are they a by-product of the most boring cars, but they are so damned bored of driving, nd are either on the phone, texting, eating, reading, or doing anything BUT driving. Toyotas owners aren't "drivers", they bought a car to get to point A to B. They should all just take public transportation, because they absolutely HATE driving, and thus, don't care how many people they piss off. Do us all a favor Toyota owners, take the friggin' bus.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe I just now found this!! I've been saying this for years but I have expanded on it a bit more.

All Toyota drivers (for the most part) are just terrible at driving. ALL gold Toyota drivers are a freakin nightmare! The vast majority of anyone who choses a gold car cannot drive to save their lives. Most domestic sedan drivers are passionless and slow and if it's gold they are in the same boat as a Toyota driver. Crown Vics are the worst right along with any Buick. The Prius is my least favorite car of all time.. paint it gold and I'd watch it burn if I could.

Anonymous said...

I work at a recycling facility and I see a lot of cars/drivers on a daily basis.
Our yard is a simple parking lot with 4 spaces perpendicular to the flow of traffic.
Most toyota drivers cannot follow the simplest rules and apparently cannot read either.
When there is an incident 80% of the time it is a toyota driver parked across lines or blocking someone else.
19% of the time it is a honda or volkswagon driver.
the other 1% is dodge truck owners.

Hermenejildo Z said...

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Anonymous said...

100% TRUE - Without a doubt , Toyota drivers are the worst ones out there.
- They always slowdown traffic
- They stay in the left lane but drive below the speed limit
-They own cars so old they hold no market value, yet they drive as if they were in a Bentley.

Anonymous said...

Ever notice at night drivers who keep their lights off are usually toyotas? They think because their dash lights up and their daytime running lights are on that all of their lights are on. All I can say is Tofu**ingyota.

Leif Herve said...

I also find this to be true for the most part, though I have a bit of a different angle on it... Toyota has a reputation for being a very dependable vehicle. Elderly and immigrants primarily are drawn to this quality. Elderly have slow reaction time and small peripheral vision. Immigrants come from countries where there are no road rules (you tube "driving in India or China"). I absolutely hate getting stuck behind a Toyota or Honda, it is enraging watching them absentmindedly put other people's lives in jeopardy everywhere they go, signal light on for half an hour, crossing lines on the freeway, merging at half the hyway speed... Thanks for the article!

ChuckG said...

Hmm, to all of you who are bashing Toyota, I'm curious as to what cars you do drive. I'm leasing a 2014 Corolla right now, and it is the smoothest, most drama-free ride I've ever had! Excellent handling and such a pleasure to drive; I find myself looking forward to work now just so I can drive it :)

Anonymous said...

If that is the case, then clearly you have never driven the Mazda 3 or Ford Focus. Go drive the standard bearers in the compact class for handling and sportiness, and then come tell us that the new Corolla is fun to drive. What a boring, bland, vanilla ride. First car I ever had on the advice of family was a Toyota Avalon, I was dumb and numb to what a sporty car with nice handling actually felt like. I will never forget the first time I drove a Mazda 3, I thank Mazda to waking me up to what a sporty, good handling, and fun to drive car should feel like. Needless to say, it was my first and last Toyota. Thanks to my Mazda 3, I now know the joy and fun of driving. I know have a strong dislike for all things Toyota and especially for " kill-joy " Toyota drivers, by far some of the worst drivers out there.

Anonymous said...

i knew that if i searched i would find it, people who share my sentiment, i knew it wasnt just me, holy shit, i worked 3 years at a toyota dealer service dept after working for a domestic brand, it was a culture shock, car culture, it was contant fight agains stupidity, ignorance, arrogance, i started feeling this resentment,hatred,dislike for every idiot that owned a toyota (given there were some exceptions, some nice people). i started calling it the toyota owner effect, i even proved it over and over again to whoever was driving with me, while driving at night: watch... here comes an idiot that forgot to turn the headlights on i will bet anything its a toyota ... 90% of the time righto!! why insnt this lane moving? yeah, a toyota at the front and so on, they would pull into the srrvice bay and ask: why is this light on in my dash? id say you have own the car for two years and you still dont know? lets pull your owners manual and check it together, oh! it says here its the low tire press light!!! i even had one that i checked the tires with him and found a nail and i said : maybe thats the reason! he says: no! that nail was there before the light came on! - yeah, thats how stupid they are, that was when they spoke english ---because 80% were foreigners, ---toyota is a world brand so you see EVERYTHING at toyota service dept, i give it to toyota! they do build a good car! so good it withstands the stupidty and ignorance of its owners, sometimes when draining the oil in some cars it would come out so thick and nasty, a sure sign of neglect, but NO Check engine light! no engine knocking! its a good car, just PLAIN!

Anonymous said...

Can't believe this! I've had my Toyota driver Theory for years, I'm not crazy after all haha